Hello internet. I was away, but now I'm home.

Still, I stalked you. I ran names and TV shows into your Google bar. I tried to see the picture of the disgusting parasite that my Anguillan massage therapist picked up on an anthropological dig in Belize. I tried to find the name of my hotel neighbor, a camera operator on Deadliest Catch and a guy that happened to make a catch of his own when he peeked over our balcony at an inopportune moment. I checked my email, searched for flights when I was bumped from others and generally counted on you to be the force to be reckoned with, the calm, strong, silent one when all I wanted to do was reach across the counter and strangle the pregnant Puerto Rican ticket agent for sucky Spirit Airlines who was chewing ice and telling me in her shitty accent, “Too bad. We have no more seats. Someone cancelled your reservation. You are not een the system no more. from what I see- you do not ex-eest.”
Yes, I do. I am right here.

3 responses on “Hello internet. I was away, but now I'm home.

  1. linda-sands.com

    Let’s just sing The Afternoon Delight song and let our minds wander, shall we? Had to beat the guy off with a stick the rest of the week… all 25 years of him.Might need to borrow Samae’s MILF title. Wait, does it come with a tiara?

  2. Karen

    Please don’t put that song in my head. I’ve had to suffer through Anne Murray’s “Danny Song” all day as it is.

    There was a tiara but it was broken. At um, some bar. Not my fault. He was quite nice.