Two Lists of Complaints. BY STUART ZEHNER

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1.

Complaints
My Middle-School Students

School’s Food.

“The rice is cold.”

“The kimchi is dry.”

2.

Complaints
American Middle-School
Students Would Have If
They Were Served
Korean Food.

“There’s an entire fish in my soup.”

“The fish in my soup still has eyes.”

“The fish in my soup with eyes is full of fish eggs.”

“What is this?”

“They made me eat off a metal tray with chopsticks.”

“I was served a vertebra.”

“This salad is clearly made from the bush in the front of the school.”

“I told you last week I don’t like fish eggs!”

“The menu says we’re having chicken anus for lunch.”

“The live baby octopus you served me stuck to my throat and died.”

“There wasn’t any pizza.”

“This is dog meat.”

“It’s too spicy.”

“The rice is cold.”

“The kimchi is dry.”